Sometimes what we see going on in the world around us is so ridiculous and so absurd that we couldn’t make up the news even if we tried. For your comic relief, here are a few of the more outlandish, and true, media stories that we at The Clarion could find.

A California woman is being held on charges of reporting a fake terror threat to United Airlines in an attempt to keep her former lover from leaving on an international flight. In the five days prior to the threat, the woman had posted more than 50 messages on the man’s Facebook page before he finally removed her as a friend. Prior to boarding, the woman pressed on by texting her former lover, telling him not to even try to get on the plane.

A man in the United Kingdom called authorities in a panic and reported a flying saucer above his home. His seemingly serious pleas described the object as “blazing,” and stated he did not know “what the hell it was.” The Hertfordshire police department later posted the clip on its YouTube page and cited it as a prank, perhaps allowing them to share the comical moment.

Recently in Denver, Mass., a family of four called local authorities after becoming lost in a seven-acre corn maze. Phone calls report the mother calling frantically and citing the presence of her young baby to police. When dispatchers arrived to rescue the disoriented group, they discovered them a mere 25 feet from the exit.

Ambulances in Canada have been told to slow down or risk being ticketed. Despite orders to respond to emergency calls, EMT staffs have been instructed to respond within the posted speed limits even when utilizing lights and sirens. Their job is to save lives, not to put them in jeopardy, a spokeswoman said.

This year a patent was issued to a man from New York for proper construction of a snowman. The 25-page patent details the precise methods for shaping the body, forming the arms and even explains how to avoid a melting smile, which could turn into a frown.

While trick or treating last month, a 10-year-old boy pulled a 9 mm handgun on a woman who joked about taking the boy’s candy. Though there was not a loaded clip in the weapon at the time, one was in the boy’s possession. The boy’s brother, also 10, had a handgun as well, which authorities thankfully discovered.

A man in Pittsburgh, Penn. attempted to pass off a $1 million bill at a supermarket.

When the cashier refused to accept the tender, the man flew into a rage and insisted it was real (note no $1 million bills exist.) When the store manager refused to return the bill on grounds that it was counterfeit, the man began vandalizing the area. After the police were called, the man continued to refuse to cooperate. He ended up being held at the county jail under the name John Joe.

A tattoo artist in Ohio discovered his girlfriend was cheating on him. After getting her intoxicated and having her sign a release form stating a tattoo was at the artist’s discretion, he permanently inked a huge steaming pile of feces on her back, complete with swarming flies. Despite the form, she signed under the influence and is now suing for $100,000.

And these are only a few of the crazy shenanigans making news in our country.