The Madison area is filled with young, attractive and often single people. Whatever you prefer – shy or brazen, intelligent or a bit dim, small or tall – you will find in abundance. What should you do about your attraction if you are in a closed relationship? Just because you can’t in good conscience pursue any of the fine people you meet on a daily basis doesn’t mean you stop feeling the attraction. How do you deal with the temptation of forbidden fruit?

You have a couple of options, and the best course of action depends mostly on what attracts you to that person. There are two primary reasons why we are attracted to someone, and they are unsurprisingly related. The first is physical attraction. Sometimes everything about a person turns us on: his or her scent, touch and voice. This is our subconscious telling us, “Breed with that one.”

The other primary form of attraction is about who the person is. This may include spirit, mind, personality or soul. It is the basis of any long-term relationship, from friendship to marriage.

If you are deeply attracted to someone physically but otherwise find him or her not particularly engaging, and you are already in a closed relationship, you should probably avoid that person. Indulging yourself by being around him or her more than necessary is simply going to cause you more frustration. You will be more likely to do something you might regret for a very long time.

Conversely, if you find someone engaging but not particularly sexy, there is no harm in becoming his or her friend. The temptation to take it further will be small, and you will both likely profit from a long and close friendship. Clarify the boundaries of the relationship, especially if either of you experiences mixed signals. The longer a misunderstanding continues, the worse it turns out in the end.

However, rarely is it as simple as physical or mental. Most of the time, if we are attracted to someone, it is because we find him or her both engaging and sexy. The genetic traits we find attractive tend to produce the personality traits we find attractive. People who like a slim, athletic figure tend to also like people who regularly engage in physical activity, and those propensities often coincide. Attraction to both body and mind is dangerous if one is already unavailable.

So, what should you do? It depends heavily on how attracted you are to the person and how well you can deal with that attraction. If you have a strong sense of self-control, go ahead and make friends. Just be aware you are walking a fine line, especially if the attraction is mutual. If you slip you could ruin the thing you currently have going. If you can handle some situations, but not others, keep yourself out of those situations. Don’t be alone with the person, perhaps, or avoid being physically close. Do whatever is necessary to prevent yourself from making a mistake. If you get to be close enough friends with the person, maybe explain the situation. He or she can help you maintain the distance you need. Just because you like someone doesn’t mean you can’t be his or her friend.

Of course, this is all premised on the idea of a closed relationship. There is a lot of road between strict monogamy and total libertine behavior. That includes open relationships, polyamory – having multiple intimate relationships at a time – and polyfidelity – the practice of a group of people maintaining intimate relationships with one another to name a few. If you are deeply attracted to someone new in your life, and the thought of your current significant other seeing others doesn’t bother you, you may want to consider discussing the boundaries of your relationship with him or her.

No matter what you do, don’t cheat. Trust is the basis of all functional relationships, and betraying that trust is one of the worst things you can do to someone with whom you are in a relationship.