You have a friend. He or she has hit all your buttons. He or she is cute, smart, funny, everything you like and attractive to boot. You have hung out, maybe gone to see a movie with some friends, maybe done a bit of homework together. Your friend seems into you, and you are definitely into him or her. When is the right time to try to take it to the next level?

This might seem like an age-old question, but it’s really not. For much of human history, in many cultures making friends with someone before you slept with him or her was nearly unheard of. Marriages were arranged. They were a matter of finance, political expediency or social contract. In American society, it has only been about 100 years that men and women have been expected to choose their own mates based on personal preference rather than external forces. For much of that time, we have been trying to shake off the mores and restraints of the ancient forms, rather than figuring out how, in a practical sense, we should be approaching the mate-finding process.

It is no surprise that signals often get crossed. People can want all kinds of things out of a physical relationship: love, marriage, friends with benefits, a one-night stand and anything in between. Madison College has a diverse community of people with all kinds of relationship paradigms and preferences. On one end of the spectrum, some students may have prohibitions against touching anyone of the opposite gender to which they are not married. Conversely, others are polyamorous, pansexual or promiscuous. How, in this wondrous sea of diversity and confusion, can you tell if the right time has come to tell someone that you are interested in more than just being friends?

It’s simple. Would you be comfortable if the roles were reversed and your friend asked you? Most of the time, the people with which we are most compatible have very similar tastes in terms of how deep they want a friendship to go before transitioning to something more. If you have reached a point where you are certain you want more from your friend, tell him or her. You don’t need to demand; you can be subtle about it. If you are at a point where you would be comfortable if your friend made a move on you, then make your own. The worst that could happen is you may get turned down, but you could remain friends. If someone feels like he or she can’t be friends with you because of your attraction, you probably don’t want to deal with that friend anyway. Life is hard enough without having to deal with secret and unrequited love. Be brave, be bold and let your feelings be known … that is, once you know how you feel.

Also, chocolate never hurts.