Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls…the concept of gender needs no other introduction. It is a basic building block of human life that is excruciatingly easy to identify, from pink and blue themed baby showers to bathroom door signs. However, gender as we know it is not as clear-cut and simple as it might seem.

Gender is not something that is included in our genetic makeup. It is not something that we “are” or something that we “have,” rather, it is a socially constructed and vehemently upheld cultural force that encourages and pressures individuals to put on a performance nearly every second of every day.

Once you are identified as “male” or “female,” that is the basis for how you are raised. It determines what Christmas presents you receive, how you are socialized, how and who you date, what you should look like and what division of the labor force you should contribute to (career vs. being a stay at home parent). Your entire life is laid out in your chromosomes.

Why is this? Why is there such a divide in the world between men and women? Is it viable that you are more capable of caring for a child or doing domestic work because you have ovaries? Does having an XX chromosome mean you are automatically less capable of doing physical labor and are naturally more emotional than your XY counterpart? The short answer: absolutely not.

The first thing to set straight is the difference between sex and gender, which are not interchangeable. Sex is an ascribed status that you are given based on the genitalia you are born with i.e., male or female. Gender, however, is a social status. The intense conditioning process begins the moment you are born.

Think about it, when a baby girl is born she is showered with kisses and hearts, pink bows and fluffy dresses. The parents let her hair grow long and buy her Barbie dolls and kitchen sets. When a baby boy is born he is dressed in blues and greens, given Lego’s and trucks and encouraged to run around and get dirty outside. What happens when you bring a child into a world divided into two mutually exclusive categories, and raise them strictly under one of them? Gender happens.

If gender were as simple as having certain genitalia, we wouldn’t see transgender, lesbians, or gay people. We wouldn’t have women that go their whole lives believing they are female only to find out when they are tested for Olympic events that they have XY chromosomes. Some men don’t have testicles, and some have larger breasts than women. Does the absence or presence of certain organs or genes make these people any more or less masculine or feminine? No, because gender is an illusion.

It may be a tough pill to swallow, but gender is a choice. It may be so deeply ingrained that it doesn’t feel like a conscious decision, but gender is continually displayed through chosen action. “Doing Gender” by West and Zimmerman explains that gender is nothing more than performance. When a man holds a door open for a woman he is “doing masculinity”, and when a woman allows a door to be held for her, she is “doing femininity”.

As a society, we are very keen on pointing out how different we are. Sitcom writers and comedians get a large bulk of their humor by satirizing the differences between husbands and wives. Men are said to be from Mars while women are supposed to be from Venus. We have different magazines, TV shows, movie and book genres, and clothing departments for different genders. The world is virtually telling you what you should like! But, it’s all smoke and mirrors, and you can actively help to bust it into smithereens.

When people choose to deviate from the norm there is often backlash and ridicule, but what it comes down to is a huge misunderstanding. If you are a female and you want to “do femininity,” go for it! If you are a male and you want to “do masculinity,” right on. However, we as a society need to stop this pressure we put on ourselves and others to “do gender” the right way.

As Emma Watson said in her recent speech to the UN about gender equality, “Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive. Both men and women should feel free to be strong. It is time that we all perceive gender on a spectrum, instead of two sets of opposing ideals.”

There is no right way. What it means to be feminine today is starkly different from what it meant 100 years ago. And what it means to look and act masculine in Paris is pretty much the opposite of what it means in the United States.

Men, go ahead and be the stay at home parent if that’s what you want. Women, don’t wear the high heels if they’re just not comfortable. We don’t have to follow these rules. Gender is a social construction, and it’s time to knock it down.