Sex? Maybe. More specifically, let’s talk about slut-shaming. Let’s talk about all the good things, and the bad things, that may be. I have to thank Salt-n-Peppa for the inspiration to that hook, and they’re still right. We should talk about sex, and in a healthy, constructive way.

Slut-shaming is the opposite of constructive. Slut-shaming is a form of harassment in which a person’s sexual behavior (real or imagined) is used to instill a sense of shame in said person. This shaming takes shape in verbal insults, like calling someone a slut. Recently, the topic of it has seen an increase in coverage by mainstream media and is being discussed amongst the public more openly and freely. This is good news, because if we can choose to talk about this form of sexual harassment, then we are likely to learn something new about it and ourselves.

Last fall, an announcement came over the PA system at a Richmond Virginia high school. This announcement, reported last fall by Richmond’s NBC12 News, informed students that if ten girls were found wearing shorts that did not pass a finger length test, then all girls would be banned from wearing shorts. Male students responded by arriving to school the following day wearing short shorts in protest of the announcement, which led school officials to take a look at the official dress codes.

They found that the codes had not been updated in a decade, and asked students for suggestions to present to faculty and parents before being officially reviewed by the school board. This is a perfect example of how people of all ages can talk about sex constructively, and how that can lead to new information and positive change.

Talking with Madisonians, and those that spend a great deal of time here: my mentors and my friends, young and old, those I come across going about life in our city; I can’t help but notice how easily the conversations about misogyny, sexism and feminism infiltrate the dialogue.

But I’ve taken notice of a peculiarity: In the discussions regarding sexist and misogynist behaviors and ideas about men and women, there is a lack of discourse about these problems as they pertain to gay men. But there is a healthy, vibrant gay community here in Madison, so why is that the case? Increasingly, it seems people (young people particularly) are especially aware of their right to a sexual identity free of scrutiny, that sexuality can be expressed without fear of shame or judgment.

A few scrolls through an average Tumblr dashboard will produce messages taking forms of brilliant cartoons, text posts, videos, GIFs, blogs, etc., condemning sexual abuse, harassment, and subjugation. Sexism and misogyny make victims of all sexes, all genders, and all orientations. But why are we not talking about those issues as they relate to gay men? As a gay man, I think it’s especially important that we do.

If we did, we could learn more about the root of these problems; we could learn more not just about our place in society as gay people, but as girls, boys, as women, as humans.

The similarities between the shaming of women and the shaming of gay men for their perceived “sluttiness” is of course linked to misogyny and sexism. A woman walks a precarious path in our society, navigating obstacles – like how to be an unabashed sexual being. Gay men walk a similar path, but because we tend to view the male experience as something completely other than female, we tend to ignore those same obstacles, rerouting ourselves, not learning anything.

That men and women are at least talking about the existence and effects of sexist behaviors – like slut-shaming – means that women and girls have a community and its insights to guide them.

It’s not just gay men that should begin this discussion; anyone and everyone should take it up. We should start thinking about slut-shaming, we should start talking about it. When we do, others will take notice and it will be easier for them to take part in the dialogue, and more will be made known to help guide us all.

So, let’s talk about sex.