St. Patrick’s Day is a-coming and unless you’re Irish or 21 and over, this holiday is difficult to celebrate.

Now, I know non-Irish and those under the drinking age still celebrate the ol’ Irish way, but let’s pretend for this article’s sake that we live in a world where underage drinking doesn’t happen. How are these people supposed to celebrate the eradication of snakes from Ireland?

First, we must know exactly what we are celebrating. St. Patrick was a priest from Britain who traveled to Ireland to convert the pagan Irish to Christianity. The legend of him driving out snakes is an allegory for him driving out the druids as snakes were not known to have inhabited Ireland at the time. St. Patrick died on March 17 which is why the world celebrates on that day. 

So, what to do when you’re underage and/or just want to maintain your sobriety. It seems quite obvious to simply travel to Ireland, find a pagan (this might be a little difficult), and convert him or her to Christianity (this might be even more difficult). That’s what St. Patrick would have wanted, at least. Otherwise, just do what I do every year: wake up, not realize it’s St. Patrick’s Day, wear something that’s not green because who has an abundance of green in their closet, and then get lightly bullied by people for not wearing green. It’s a nice tradition that I take part in every year.